Here we Go

Today was Max's appointment with the Ortho doc.  Dr. Seigel is so proud of Max.  She said that his rate of healing is amazing.  He is so far beyond what she expected.  He will be ready to get his rods out before Christmas.  Okay, so she said December or January and I begged for December because we have met our family cap for the year with the ins.  Let them pay for it.  We have paid plenty in premiums, so why not take advantage of the system, RIGHT?

Tomorrow is the beginning for Ben.  We got to the allergist/pulmonologist.  We will get his lungs looked at and then all the allergy testing.  I am so not looking forward to that part.  I cannot imagine all the pain the bugger is going to go through.  I am pretty sure his is allergic to most everything.  Scratch tests cannot be fun.....can you imagine being 3 and not understanding what is going on?  I feel for him.  I feel for me to have to comfort my baby all day tomorrow.  It will be lots of movies and Mommy cuddle time.  I am just praying that this testing does not trigger his asthma/breathing issues or his heart problem.  If this truly is the cause of all of his problems, it could be an interesting visit.  Think they have what is needed for someone to is severely allergic to something?  Surely they will be prepared for anything right?  What if he stops breathing because of something they do?

I am really terrified to start all this testing....can you tell?  Monday is the cardiologist.  I had the fleeting thought of going to visit Granna and Grandpa this weekend since we have a 3 day weekend, but then I remembered the dreaded cardio appt.  I was really looking forward to unplugging and go away for a few days.  It really was just a thought in my head....never got a chance to mention it to anyone before I remembered the cardio appt.

Me, I am just plodding along.  I was suppose to do stamp club this weekend, but we were suppose to be getting the basement finished so I thought I would not be able get into my scrap room.  Well, that did not happen.....the guy who has suppose to be finishing the basement for over a year, has put me off again.   He was suppose to be here Monday AM and showed up with a story about having a place to finish in Woodland Park.  He said he would show up this morning and be able to get it finished this week.  Ha Ha Ha....he did not show up again and I have not heard from him.  Pissed off is what I am becoming with the whole thing.  So, that leaves me having changed my plans for him and now....the basement is not done and I changed plans.  Grrr.

I do not have anything planned for the weekend now.  Matt had a meeting Monday for wrestling, Tuesday for Drupal and now again tonight for wrestling.  I know he has to do these things.....but, I am starting to wonder what I am going to get to do.  Scrapping at Bobbie's is out since we are not talking anymore.  I don't want to go to Archivers because that costs money (and I am trying to be on a spending freeze).  Being on a spending freeze prevents me from doing a number of things.  I could go to the basement and play in my scrap room, but that is not really a get away because the kids come down anyway.  I am debating going back to weight watchers....I have gained 10 pounds and none of my clothes fit now, but again, that costs money.  SO, what is there for me to do and where.

I am starting to feel really pent up, frustrated, scared and angry.  And, unfortunately for the family, it comes out with me yelling at everyone for every little thing.  I know what I am doing when I am doing it, but I am so in the moment that I just cannot stop myself some times.  I am trying hard to just give it over to God, but it is harder than I thought.  Knowing something and feeling something are two different things....I totally get what my dear friend Shannon is going through now.  I know that things will all work out and that God has a plan and that I should just hand it all over to him.  BUT, my heart is still breaking and I am still scared for my little one and angry that I have to deal with it all.