29 June 2010

Freaked out

I am letting the cat out of the bag a little early, but I am so nervous I am not sure how to feel.  Matt has interviewed for a new job.  It sounds really positive.  The guy who interviewed him called and asked what his availability looks like for July 19th.  Matt said pretty good.  Then found out that he would be going to CT for 5 weeks.

I know that there are lots of single moms out there and lots of Army wives who do this all the time.  I am just scared that something might happen to me.  I have gotten with some close friends to talk to them about support while Matt is gone.  Everyone is being great.  I am feeling better than usual --minus the shoulder.  I am hoping that I stay that way.  School will start while Matt is gone.  I feel a bit sad about that.  Max is starting Kindergarten and Ben is starting preschool.  It is all exciting for the family.

The job is a good one.  It will certainly put our family in a much better place financially.  We would be able to move to Holyoke, CO sooner than we thought.  It will make our lives so much better.  Matt will be missing somethings with the kids, but he will be working from home when he is here.  So, that would give opportunities to see more of the kids things than if he worked 9 -5.  So, while he misses some, he sees more than he would otherwise.  I am not sure how he feels about that.

I am excited for him....it is one of those dream jobs for him.  It is something he really likes and is good at doing.  He will get great experience and if he wanted to move companies later, he would have a great resume'.

I have been super positive the last couple weeks (even with all the minor injuries).  I am hoping that those feelings will continue.  Matt and I have already made a list of things we would like to have done before he leaves so my life will be a bit easier.  I am going to be busy with the boys.  We have next week off of swim lesson and then it is back to 5 days a week for Max and Ben will start Saturday mornings.  Then another week off swim and then they both will be doing Tues/Thurs evenings.  School will be starting in there somewhere too.  It will be busy and I think if we just stay that way things will be good.  My life is about my kids and family.  That is a choice I made and I love it.

I know that I will need some me time still and I will get a few hours each week.  Ben will be in preschool for two hours on Mon/Wed in the AM.  I have decided that I will go to Starbucks and just chill during that time.  I have also talked to some friends about watching the boys for a couple of hours a week, just to let me get a grip on life.  Who knows, I may not need that time.  I may love the new life that we will have.  I know that having to get up every morning and get Max to swim lessons has really helped me get out of my funk.  I can only imagine what it will be like when they are both going to school.

I am scared, but I know that others do it.  I will just need all the positive thoughts I can get to make sure I stay healthy while he is gone.  I may just have to come to the realization that it truly is going to be mind over body.


25 June 2010

Tough week

I have decided over the last month or so that I am going to go for it and enjoy life.  This week was not one of them.  Started out great....Max started swim lessons and loved them.  I even got Ben into the kiddie pool while Max was in his lesson.  And, after swim lessons, the kids get to play at the spray park for no additional charge.  We had so much fun at the beginning of the week.

Wednesday came around and after swim lessons, we went to Walmart.  I made the huge mistake of picking up Max and putting him in the shopping cart.  He is just a little too heavy for me to keep doing that.  I pulled out my shoulder, wrist and two fingers.  Even though I was in pain, I still go my shopping finished.  Just figured if this is the way it is going to be then maybe I will just have to work through pain and accidents.  I iced it, took meds and felt better in the AM....while it seems that my shoulder hurts every evening, at least I can do some things in the AM.

Thursday morning, we were all getting ready for swim lessons.  I was in my room with the door closed, getting dressed, when I heard Ben fussing at the door.  I did not think much about it because he does that when I am in there and he wants me.  Finally, Max opened the door and said, "Blood, Mommy."  I came running out and Ben was bleeding from the mouth.  I finally got it stopped enough to realize that he had ripped the piece of skin between his upper lip and gums.  I know that facial and mouth wounds bleed a lot, but after looking at it, I saw how bad the cut was.  I decided then that we should to the Dentist for an emergency visit.  Turns out that the cut was not a big deal and really nothing to worry about.  BUT, the Dentist wanted x-rays.  After the x-rays, Ben was very good by the way, he was able to pull them up on his computer.  He showed me where Ben had fractured his right front tooth.  The fracture is above the gum line.  Nothing we can do about it right now.  We need to keep an eye on it.  If it abscesses, then we have to go back in and they will have to take the tooth out. There is a chance that it could just die too.  Needless to say, we did not make it to swim lessons that day.

Friday we did make it to swim lessons.  Both of the kids were so happy.   Max did well, but did not jump off the diving bored by himself.  He is getting closer and closer to doing it.  Then everyone went outside to the small pools.  Max's does his lesson in the 3 1/2 foot pool.  He does really well.  Ben and I play in the 1 1/2 foot baby pool.  Ben loves it.  I have even gotten him to put his head under the water.  I was so excited.  After Max got done with his lessons in the big pool, he came and joined us in the little pool.  Somewhere along the way he sliced his knee open.  The life guard did not have a first aid kit (really?).  Finally someone found one after I had been there putting pressure on it for 4 minutes.  I did get the bleeding stopped and it did not look as bad as it had in the beginning.  So, the life guard cleaned it with alcohol and put two band-aids on it.  Max was crying that he still wanted to play in the spray park.....so I told Max we could play until his band-aid fell off.  It did not last long.  When we got in the car, I was still not sure we should not go get stitches.  I decided to patch it up myself.  I went and bought some adhesive strips and neosporin spray.  I got it all cleaned and bandaged.  He was tentative about it this AM, but after naps, he totally forgot about it. 

I have just put them to bed and looking forward to some quiet time with Matt tonight.  I will most likely take some pain meds and drug out for the night.  Matt will be gone for the next two days, so I most likely not take any pain meds.  While they really help to control my pain and I seem to be pretty coherent on them, I am so afraid to take them when it is just me and the boys.  What if something were to happen and I could not drive because of pain meds?  What if I was so out of it that I could not respond properly?  It scares me to be at home on pain meds with the kids by myself.  So, no pain meds for me this weekend.

To end, the week started out great, but ended up not so much.  We are all still here and healthy as we can be. Max is still loving swim lessons, but wants to do them too. (He will starts Auqa tots in July).  Matt has worked hard and is off to a conference for the weekend.  Me, I am still in pain and learning to deal with it.  I am trying not to let it slow me down too much.  I am a bit less energetic and mobile by the evenings, but I love my days.

24 June 2010


  Okay, so it has been awhile since I have been here.  I have been busy with the boys and trying to live a normal life.

My boys are blossoming.  Max has started reading...blows me away....reading before kindergarten.  Ben starts pre-school in August and he cannot wait to go to school.  Max is taking swim lessons everyday.  He loves them and is doing so well.  I am so proud of him.  Ben and I get to wade in the kiddie pool while Max is swimming.  Ben seems to like it until he falls over and goes in face first.  He is working on it though.

Me, I am in constant pain.  Yesterday I made the mistake of picking Max up (he jumps so it is not so hard for me).  I pulled out my shoulder, wrist and two fingers.  Still had to finish shopping.  Manage to do so many things despite the pain.  I am going on the 7th of July for an MRI.  Then it will be back to VA ortho to see what they want to do.

I am afraid to have surgery on my shoulder......There are things that can be complicated about surgery on someone with EDS.

I am feeling very emotional about this all.  

09 June 2010

Forgetting other pain

I don't know who else watches House on Fox.  If you do, remember when House was trying to get off of pills.  He took them for the pain in his leg...so to forget about the pain in his leg, he stabbed his hand.

I feel that way these days....no, I don't mean I want to stab myself in the hand.  I mean that the pain in my shoulder has made me forget about most of my other pains.  The mornings are pretty pain free, but by sleep time, I just want to cry from the pain.  I am sure that it is because I use it so much during the day.  I am careful not to pick heavy things up, but you don't realize how much you use your shoulder until it hurts. 

I am not getting down about.  It is just a part of my life.  I have accepted that pain is something that I am going to have to live with.  I am not freaking out about it or letting it stop my life.  

Despite the afternoon and evening shoulder pain, I have cooked good healthy dinners for the last three nights. No fast food, no junk.  Yummy healthy food.  I am working on having the family eat healthier.  Hoping two things come from this.  First, I am hoping that it will help me and my joints.  Second, I need to make sure that I maintain my weight.  I really would like to loose 5 pounds that I have gained since I was diagnosed.

Well, I am off to play with my boys today.  Cool and yucky outside, but we are going to have fun inside.  

07 June 2010


I have been seeing a therapist for a long time now....just to keep things on an even keel.  It is especially helpful now with this diagnosis.  I have tried to avoid believing this is true and been beating myself up like you would not believe.

Everyday I feel like I am not enough and I do not do enough.  My house is not clean, I have lots of projects to finish and I want to play with my kids more.  When I do not get it all done, usually because of fatigue or pain, I feel like a total failure.  I am suppose to do it all, healthy or not.  I am a stay at home mom and that is my job.  I feel like I don't give back enough.  Am I down right lazy?

After seeing my therapist, I am not as hard on myself.  I feel better about me.  It is okay if everything does not get done everyday.  I am going to choose to do better and not beat myself up when it is not done.  I choose to not do somethings and I don't feel bad about them anymore.  I am not lazy, I am deciding what I am going to do and not do.  I am going to take care of my family, but not feel bad when something does not get done.

05 June 2010

Doctor visit

I went to the Denver VA on Thursday morning.  I finally got to see an orthopedic doctor.  It was just for my shoulder and not my EDS case.  I explained to the doc about my condition and he had never heard of it, big surprise.  He said that he would be looking into it and see if there was something more he could do.

He checked my good shoulder first.  He asked if I was sure that it was not the bad shoulder.  He could not believe the laxity in my joint.  Then he went to the bad shoulder.  He popped it out without even trying.  It completely shocked him and hurt me.  It was immediately popped back in.  As the doc examined my shoulder  further, he told me that he could actually feel the damage to the cartilage in my shoulder.  He ordered an MRI.

The doctor suspects that I will be having surgery on my shoulder before the end of the summer.  Ouch, not looking forward to it.  Really, we will have to wait and see what the MRI shows.

At least someone is listening to me about the symptoms of EDS.  Someday I am going to figure out how to make someone put it all together for me.

Trip to Chicago

I am home from my trip and it went fairly well.  We had a great time.  Baseball game on Friday night....kids had fun....brother took a ball to the chin (6 stitches) pushing Max out of the way.  Saturday we played in the pool all day.  Sunday we all went to the Brookfield Zoo.  We had a great time.  That zoo is huge.  We walked and rode the train.  It was way fun.  By the end of the day we were all exhausted and my shoulder hurt.  I carried a backpack with water and such.  It was dumb on my part.  I put my shoulder out.  I went to the ER on Monday while the boys went on the train with my folks.  Tuesday we played in the pool again.  We all were exhausted when we finally got home on Wednesday.