21 May 2010


I had my appointment with my therapist today.  It was really good.  I feel like I have taken a big turn in my life.  I realize that I have been very hard on myself.  I have been a black and white person....either all on or all off.  I am  trying to understand that it is okay to be in the middle.  A little of this and a little of that.  Meaning, I don't have to do it all.  I can clean some, but it is okay to leave some for tomorrow.  I need to enjoy today and play with me kids, but not over due it either.  I have been trying to make sure my boys know that I love them and that I want to be with them.  Nancy says that I am sheltering them a bit too much.  I don't want anything to hurt them or their feelings.  So, as moms, we all try to shelter our kids.  I guess I am just doing it a little too much.

I have a disability that will eventually (hopefully a long time from now) keep me from doing a number of things.  I want to do as much as I can now, but if I do that in the end, I will be seriously disabled quicker.  So, I am trying to find a middle of the road place.  I can do things, but in moderation.  I can do this and I will figure out a middle ground for all of us.  My kids are just going to have to realize that I am happy to play with them and I want to do things with him, but I cannot always be so physical.  I can spend time with them and not always run around and be so active.  What is wrong with sitting on the porch while they play in the yard?  I am still there and still watching and still part of their lives.  I can do that.....

It is a work in progress, but I don't have to be totally on or totally off.

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