25 May 2010

Fear of Flying

Tomorrow I am flying to Chicago with my boys.  I am a little nervous about it.....okay, extremely.

As much as I hate to ask for help, I have asked to have assistance to and from the gate.  Both DIA and Midway airports are big airports.  I am trying to convince myself that it is okay.  I am nervous about having the two boys see me in a wheelchair.  It makes me sad for them to see me.  I cannot even put into words my feelings at this point.  It is just making me upset.

I love my mother, but at this point I am not sure she understands my limitations.  She has so many things she wants me to do.  I tried to explain that I am not able to go at the pace that I used to go.  I have to take things slowly.  I cannot be running around town like I used to.  I try to do one big thing a day, but when the big thing is going to the Brookfield zoo I think I will need a day off after that.  She is used to me being able just to pick up and go do whatever we want.  It is not that way any more.  I am just going to have to explain it to her again and have her see it first hand.

I have not seen her in a 8 months and I have gone down hill really fast since then.  This has been a total roller coaster for me and I am still learning my limitations.  Let's just hope I can make her understand.  I know that she is just being positive and I know that she loves me.  I know that she really wants my boys to have a good time.  My kids know my limitations....

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