23 March 2010

Dang Thumb

Crap, crap, crap!!!!  I am so frustrated with my right thumb.  It just seems to get disjointed so often.  I was putting Max to bed and playing with him.  We have tickle wars before bed....I did something and dislocated my thumb right then and there.  I jumped away and Max freaked out.  He feels so bad when I get hurt playing with him.  He feels like it is his fault.  I feel so bad.....I wish I could explain it better to him.  It is not his fault at all.  Maybe I should not play so hard with him, but that does not seem fair either.  I am going to play with my boys no matter what, so I am just going to have to not react so much when I do get hurt.

My thumb still hurts pretty good..  It is the second joint back and that one is hard to reset by myself.  Matt is at an internet thing.  I am going to just have to wait.  I am going to have to wear my cast splint tomorrow.  We have a play date tomorrow and I am not going to keep my boys home, no matter what happens.  They deserve to live a life and not have to be stuck at home or miss out because I am hurting all the time.

I know that I am rambling, but that is how my brain is working tonight.  I just feel awful.....not so much for myself, but for those around me who have to deal with my situation.  It is my alignment, not their's.  I wish that they did not have to feel the repercussions from it.  My little boys know that Mommy is fragile and they try to be careful, but they are little boys.  We play and I love it, but sometimes I get hurt.  Matt is afraid to touch me sometimes, for fear of hurting me in some way.  It is hard to handle.......I am fragile and things happen, but do I stop living and doing the things I love so I don't hurt myself.  Or, do I keep going, enjoy what I can and deal with the consequences.  At this point I am willing to give all I can and enjoy every minute I can now....I will never get this time back with my family.  My boys will only be little once.  As they grow, I know they will not be so physical playing with me.  So, enjoy it now is my new philosophy.  I will deal with the rest later.

Pain in my right hand is pretty bad.  I also tweaked my knee earlier...not complaining, just stating facts these days.  No more reason to complain about it.  It is part of my life and I am okay with that.  I am just going to state facts the way they are.  I hurt and that is my life.  No sense in dwelling on it.

1 comment:

  1. Ouch! I hope your thumb feels better soon. I have an 11 yr. old and our house is a rough and tumble place too. I don't like being the only girl and being fragile. I want to be tough like them - what what can you do? Nothing, just live your life the best you can! Gentle hugs.