11 October 2011

Long Night

I know there are ups and downs, but this sucks. Yesterday things were so good.  I am sure that is why I hurt today.  I bet I over did it doing things to take care of the boys.  I really want to help them do this and not have them grow up too fast having to take care of mommy.  But having done so much yesterday I am going to have to have them help me more today.

I did not sleep well last night because of the pain.  Not sure how I can find some way to actually be comfortable and get some rest.  I do sleep better with pain meds on board, but having two boys at home by myself makes it hard to take pain meds.  I am sure there at people who do it, but I just cannot bring myself to do it.  What if I take it and then something happens to one of the boys?  I would not be able to drive.  While I feel that they don't impair my thoughts, what if I am wrong?  I cannot imagine making the wrong decision in with regards to them.  There is always that chance.

Today is a lay low day.  The boys are still running low fevers so I decided to keep them home today.  It makes my life a little easier not having to take them out.  A major reason for not taking Ben out is because I do not need him to get sicker...he is on the verge of a hospital visit and I am trying to keep it away. The longer I quarantine us all, the less like Ben is to get something that pushes us over the edge on that front.  I am not sure I could handle that.....arm not working right, Ben in the hospital and Matt not home.  Yeah, could not do it.  I know my limitations.

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