07 June 2010


I have been seeing a therapist for a long time now....just to keep things on an even keel.  It is especially helpful now with this diagnosis.  I have tried to avoid believing this is true and been beating myself up like you would not believe.

Everyday I feel like I am not enough and I do not do enough.  My house is not clean, I have lots of projects to finish and I want to play with my kids more.  When I do not get it all done, usually because of fatigue or pain, I feel like a total failure.  I am suppose to do it all, healthy or not.  I am a stay at home mom and that is my job.  I feel like I don't give back enough.  Am I down right lazy?

After seeing my therapist, I am not as hard on myself.  I feel better about me.  It is okay if everything does not get done everyday.  I am going to choose to do better and not beat myself up when it is not done.  I choose to not do somethings and I don't feel bad about them anymore.  I am not lazy, I am deciding what I am going to do and not do.  I am going to take care of my family, but not feel bad when something does not get done.

1 comment:

  1. Lazy is a word that comes up often in my own self-flagellation. It's not so much that I truly think I am lazy, but more that I worry so much that this is the thought on OTHER people's minds! My physical therapist, psycho-therapist, and my discovery of "The Spoon Theory" have helped me to realize that I just need to pace myself, choose my battles and accept my limitations. Pat yourself on the back... sometimes just making it out of bed is a Herculean feat for those of us in chronic pain!