Hello world. I am so tired today. It has been a long weekend and beginning of the week. We spent the weekend doing spring cleaning. I spent most of the weekend on my feet...it hurt my knees and back. I went to the park with the boys yesterday for 2 hours.
I am paying for all of that today. Last night I hardly slept because my legs were hurting so badly. It was a horrible ache all night. I woke up at 1:30 and never went back to sleep. Rolling around, trying to get comfy, made for a long night.
I have to admit, though, that my life has changed a lot since my diagnosis. I have realized what is important in my life and what is not. I am over all the petty things that make people so angry. I am finally living by my dad's words.....If you are not going to be upset about it tomorrow, why be upset about it today. I am just more calm about things. Well, not about the kids being pains, but everything else. I have been trying to be better with them too.
I am sitting here in pain today, but enjoying watching the kids play with the trains on the floor.
31 March 2010
26 March 2010
Paying for It
Explicative, explicative. Pain has enveloped me today. I had a hip pain last night and it was bad. I used ice and managed to get it to not hurt so bad. (I am trying not to take pain meds.) I hardly slept last night when the pain started in my back on the left side (not the normal side)
I do believe that the pain has a direct correlation to the time I played outside yesterday. I think it waited because I was busy all day yesterday. I think the pain started when I slowed down. I still have not taken any pain meds. I am home with the kids and cannot take any. I try to be awake and alert for them, but today may end up different. I just want to curl up and die right now. I have not had this much pain in a long time.
I do believe that the pain has a direct correlation to the time I played outside yesterday. I think it waited because I was busy all day yesterday. I think the pain started when I slowed down. I still have not taken any pain meds. I am home with the kids and cannot take any. I try to be awake and alert for them, but today may end up different. I just want to curl up and die right now. I have not had this much pain in a long time.
25 March 2010
Snowday
Yeah! The boys and I went out and played in the snow this morning. I did not hurt anything and we had a wonderful time. It was my littlest one's first time to play in the snow and it was amazing. The snow was hard this morning and even though I did not get hurt, both of the boys did. Max got a bloody lip, but did not want to stop playing. Ben got hit in the face, but we did not realize he was hurt until we got inside. Now he has a black eye. We all have so much fun, I cannot wait until the next snow day.
23 March 2010
Dang Thumb
Crap, crap, crap!!!! I am so frustrated with my right thumb. It just seems to get disjointed so often. I was putting Max to bed and playing with him. We have tickle wars before bed....I did something and dislocated my thumb right then and there. I jumped away and Max freaked out. He feels so bad when I get hurt playing with him. He feels like it is his fault. I feel so bad.....I wish I could explain it better to him. It is not his fault at all. Maybe I should not play so hard with him, but that does not seem fair either. I am going to play with my boys no matter what, so I am just going to have to not react so much when I do get hurt.
My thumb still hurts pretty good.. It is the second joint back and that one is hard to reset by myself. Matt is at an internet thing. I am going to just have to wait. I am going to have to wear my cast splint tomorrow. We have a play date tomorrow and I am not going to keep my boys home, no matter what happens. They deserve to live a life and not have to be stuck at home or miss out because I am hurting all the time.
I know that I am rambling, but that is how my brain is working tonight. I just feel awful.....not so much for myself, but for those around me who have to deal with my situation. It is my alignment, not their's. I wish that they did not have to feel the repercussions from it. My little boys know that Mommy is fragile and they try to be careful, but they are little boys. We play and I love it, but sometimes I get hurt. Matt is afraid to touch me sometimes, for fear of hurting me in some way. It is hard to handle.......I am fragile and things happen, but do I stop living and doing the things I love so I don't hurt myself. Or, do I keep going, enjoy what I can and deal with the consequences. At this point I am willing to give all I can and enjoy every minute I can now....I will never get this time back with my family. My boys will only be little once. As they grow, I know they will not be so physical playing with me. So, enjoy it now is my new philosophy. I will deal with the rest later.
Pain in my right hand is pretty bad. I also tweaked my knee earlier...not complaining, just stating facts these days. No more reason to complain about it. It is part of my life and I am okay with that. I am just going to state facts the way they are. I hurt and that is my life. No sense in dwelling on it.
My thumb still hurts pretty good.. It is the second joint back and that one is hard to reset by myself. Matt is at an internet thing. I am going to just have to wait. I am going to have to wear my cast splint tomorrow. We have a play date tomorrow and I am not going to keep my boys home, no matter what happens. They deserve to live a life and not have to be stuck at home or miss out because I am hurting all the time.
I know that I am rambling, but that is how my brain is working tonight. I just feel awful.....not so much for myself, but for those around me who have to deal with my situation. It is my alignment, not their's. I wish that they did not have to feel the repercussions from it. My little boys know that Mommy is fragile and they try to be careful, but they are little boys. We play and I love it, but sometimes I get hurt. Matt is afraid to touch me sometimes, for fear of hurting me in some way. It is hard to handle.......I am fragile and things happen, but do I stop living and doing the things I love so I don't hurt myself. Or, do I keep going, enjoy what I can and deal with the consequences. At this point I am willing to give all I can and enjoy every minute I can now....I will never get this time back with my family. My boys will only be little once. As they grow, I know they will not be so physical playing with me. So, enjoy it now is my new philosophy. I will deal with the rest later.
Pain in my right hand is pretty bad. I also tweaked my knee earlier...not complaining, just stating facts these days. No more reason to complain about it. It is part of my life and I am okay with that. I am just going to state facts the way they are. I hurt and that is my life. No sense in dwelling on it.
22 March 2010
No travel alone
My husband and I have been talking about me traveling home with the boys. I live in Co and would have to travel to Il. Matt cannot take a lot of time off during the summer because it is his busy time at work.
I have thought about driving. That would be an 18 hour trip...I would have to stop one night, at least. We talked about taking the train....that too would be an 18 hour trip, but straight through and no driving. We talked about flying...total travel from door to door, most likely 8-9 hours. So, having considered all of these things, I have decided not to travel home. I cannot imagine being with my 2 and 4 yr olds and having something happen on any of those trips. Can you imagine me with a dislocated hip or shoulder and two small kids. No one there to help me fix it??? and having them look at me all broken. It does not sound like a good idea to me.
Maybe air travel with the boys would be more reasonable if I was in a wheel chair. At least at that point they usually let someone go to the gate with you....or there would be a sky cap to help. Just a thought. We will have to see how it all works out.
I am still waiting on most of my adaptive gear. It has been one week, but I am hoping to get some of it soon. I would give just about anything for the parafin bath tonight. My hands hurt a bit. I would like some of the things I could use in the kitchen. I do some cooking yesterday and thought about how nice it would have been to have some of the things they are getting for me.
I am feeling pretty upbeat despite all the things that I have to think about before I do anything...ie traveling. I am getting out of the house at least every other day now, and not just to take Max to school. I went to my very good friend Joanna's for a scrap-shopping thing, then went to scrapbooking crop at Cynthia's on Saturday. Tomorrow we are going to the library....it is Max's spring break so they have fun things going on. Wednesday we have another library trip and then a fun playdate at Joanna's with her two little girls. I cannot wait....Max really enjoys them and Ben has not seen them in a long time.
I am still doing my Close To My Heart stamping workshops every month. I am also going to start doing a card work shop quarterly. I am looking forward to that in a couple of weeks.
We will be traveling to Holyoke, 4 hours from here, for Easter. I am very excited about that. I know that our plans have been moved back some, but I am still looking forward to looking at some houses out there. I love visiting out there. My in-laws are so wonderful. They always make staying there so much fun. I am looking forward to all the good cooking..... Rita is great. I am also looking forward to the egg coloring and egg hunt. I love visiting with our friends Luke and Shannon along with their girls. I cannot wait to actually move out there and not have to make the four hour drive. It is painful for me....sometimes we stop and I get to walk and sometimes we just drive straight through (depends on the trip).
All is well in the land of Charlee....hope everyone else is doing well.
I have thought about driving. That would be an 18 hour trip...I would have to stop one night, at least. We talked about taking the train....that too would be an 18 hour trip, but straight through and no driving. We talked about flying...total travel from door to door, most likely 8-9 hours. So, having considered all of these things, I have decided not to travel home. I cannot imagine being with my 2 and 4 yr olds and having something happen on any of those trips. Can you imagine me with a dislocated hip or shoulder and two small kids. No one there to help me fix it??? and having them look at me all broken. It does not sound like a good idea to me.
Maybe air travel with the boys would be more reasonable if I was in a wheel chair. At least at that point they usually let someone go to the gate with you....or there would be a sky cap to help. Just a thought. We will have to see how it all works out.
I am still waiting on most of my adaptive gear. It has been one week, but I am hoping to get some of it soon. I would give just about anything for the parafin bath tonight. My hands hurt a bit. I would like some of the things I could use in the kitchen. I do some cooking yesterday and thought about how nice it would have been to have some of the things they are getting for me.
I am feeling pretty upbeat despite all the things that I have to think about before I do anything...ie traveling. I am getting out of the house at least every other day now, and not just to take Max to school. I went to my very good friend Joanna's for a scrap-shopping thing, then went to scrapbooking crop at Cynthia's on Saturday. Tomorrow we are going to the library....it is Max's spring break so they have fun things going on. Wednesday we have another library trip and then a fun playdate at Joanna's with her two little girls. I cannot wait....Max really enjoys them and Ben has not seen them in a long time.
I am still doing my Close To My Heart stamping workshops every month. I am also going to start doing a card work shop quarterly. I am looking forward to that in a couple of weeks.
We will be traveling to Holyoke, 4 hours from here, for Easter. I am very excited about that. I know that our plans have been moved back some, but I am still looking forward to looking at some houses out there. I love visiting out there. My in-laws are so wonderful. They always make staying there so much fun. I am looking forward to all the good cooking..... Rita is great. I am also looking forward to the egg coloring and egg hunt. I love visiting with our friends Luke and Shannon along with their girls. I cannot wait to actually move out there and not have to make the four hour drive. It is painful for me....sometimes we stop and I get to walk and sometimes we just drive straight through (depends on the trip).
All is well in the land of Charlee....hope everyone else is doing well.
Okay
It is a Monday morning and things are going fairly well. I have some pain in my hip, but it is not bad. I just cannot get over how much pain there is. I have decided not to use my pain pills unless I really really have to do it. They cause me to be sick to my stomach and groggy. I miss my family when that happens.
My boys are still the light of my life. They make it all worth the effort these days. My husband is such a great support and I cannot thank him enough for all he does.
There are so many things to think about now....a little stressed out now....will post more later.
My boys are still the light of my life. They make it all worth the effort these days. My husband is such a great support and I cannot thank him enough for all he does.
There are so many things to think about now....a little stressed out now....will post more later.
19 March 2010
Cold day
It is a cold day here. The snow has finally started, but the front come in late last night. I could feel every degree and change in the barometer. I do not have arthritis so much.....but it sure feels like it. I am wondering if I do have some sort of arthritis???? I suppose it is totally possible. Since the ligaments are stretched out the joints do grind upon each other. That could make the arthritis pain, I guess.
I am hoping to stay inside today......
I am hoping to stay inside today......
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