I have been seeing a therapist for a long time now....just to keep things on an even keel. It is especially helpful now with this diagnosis. I have tried to avoid believing this is true and been beating myself up like you would not believe.
Everyday I feel like I am not enough and I do not do enough. My house is not clean, I have lots of projects to finish and I want to play with my kids more. When I do not get it all done, usually because of fatigue or pain, I feel like a total failure. I am suppose to do it all, healthy or not. I am a stay at home mom and that is my job. I feel like I don't give back enough. Am I down right lazy?
After seeing my therapist, I am not as hard on myself. I feel better about me. It is okay if everything does not get done everyday. I am going to choose to do better and not beat myself up when it is not done. I choose to not do somethings and I don't feel bad about them anymore. I am not lazy, I am deciding what I am going to do and not do. I am going to take care of my family, but not feel bad when something does not get done.
Lazy is a word that comes up often in my own self-flagellation. It's not so much that I truly think I am lazy, but more that I worry so much that this is the thought on OTHER people's minds! My physical therapist, psycho-therapist, and my discovery of "The Spoon Theory" have helped me to realize that I just need to pace myself, choose my battles and accept my limitations. Pat yourself on the back... sometimes just making it out of bed is a Herculean feat for those of us in chronic pain!
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